How to recognize an abuser?

I was married to an abuser. Bill, scoffed, a lot of things happened. Now I'm afraid of men. I'm afraid to get into the car if we just met, I'm afraid if he has an unkind look, I'm afraid if he starts to express patriarchal ideas, I'm afraid if he raises his voice, etc.
Let's draw a portrait of a typical abuser who considers a woman an attachment to him and wants her to completely obey.


  • difficult childhood: father drank and beat mother, although the family was not marginal, everything was behind a closed door, and outwardly - an ordinary family


  • prone to addictions (alcohol, light cats, casinos, cards, betting shops)


  • patriarchal worldview (a girl must be a virgin, you can’t wear makeup and dress sexually, a woman needs to be re-educated, it’s not shameful with fists)


  • lover of all films and series about prison, although he himself has never been in prison


  • antisocial behavior and uncontrolled aggression (can be rude, fight, generally despises all social norms, believes that they are created for others, and he is above this)


  • does not respect women, except for the mother. She is considered a saint. And all around are whores, but he himself is a womanizer and women easily like


  • pathological liar. He always lies in everything, both on a large scale and in small things that do not affect anything


  • twins according to the horoscope (I have heard from girls more than once that the men of this sign are all like that, although I don’t really believe in astrology)


The problem is that all of the above cannot be seen immediately, at the beginning of communication.